January 29, 2009
As Bob Dylan once wrote, “Most of the time, I’m clear focused all around. Most of the time, I can keep both feet on the ground.” Such is the case with me as a fiction writer, especially when I’m firing steadily on a project. Most of the time, I’m focused on the work, and my mind is occupied with imagining what comes next in the story instead of the self-defeating mental mischief it can otherwise get caught up in. I just cruise along, hitting speed bumps of rejection and disappointment but not letting them slow me down for long.
But, of course, my mind always stays alert for little games it can play to sabotage me. We played one of those today, my mind and I. Here’s how it went: after reading about Neil Gaiman winning the Newberry Medal for children’s fiction, I reminded myself of how hugely, amazingly successful Neil is and how comparatively underachieving I am. This took on added weight because I also reminded myself that Neil is just five years older than I am. Then, I remembered there are many writers who are younger than I am and also massively more successful…and that really nailed down the coffin lid.
How dumb can I get? So many factors enter into creating a writer’s career. It’s a complex equation, and it’s never the same from person to person. You can’t judge your own success by comparing your career to someone else’s. Even if you were born at the same time in the same town to the same parents and lived identical lives in all respects, but one of you became successful sooner than the other, you couldn’t compare yourself to someone else in any kind of meaningful way. It’s ridiculous, and I know it.
But I’ve done it plenty of times in the past, and I’m sure I’ll do it again. As counter-intuitive and self-defeating as it is, I look at other writers and wish I could have their success. Especially when I get a quick-fire run of rejections or no-replies, or a rash of disappointments. It can seem like the good stuff will never happen, no matter how hard I work, no matter how well I write. So I guess it’s only natural to run yourself down when you see someone at the top, and you think you’ll never get there. They must be doing everything right; I must be doing everything wrong.
Fortunately, these feelings never last long. Honestly, I’m already over them. Looking forward to a big weekend of writing and moving the career forward. Looking forward to reading Neil’s next book, because I really am a huge fan of his; I’ve been a fan since his comic book opus, Sandman issue 1, first went on sale way back when. (Here’s an interesting bit of trivia: back in 1988, shortly before the premiere of Neil’s Sandman, I sent a full script for a four-issue mini-series to DC Comics editor Bob Greenberger. Guess what character my mini-series featured? The Sandman, of course! It was Jack Kirby’s 1970s version, of course, but still…such a strange coincidence, eh? The cool thing about this story is that years later, in 2003, I contacted Bob again through my Oregon mentors, Dean and Kris. We met at a convention in Hunt Valley, Maryland, and we’ve been good friends ever since! I love the strange ways life works sometimes…)
See you tomorrow!
